..Welcome to My Life..

So today was horrible. I didn't wake up til noon, and even then my parents were already gone to my dad's appointment, which I wanted to go to because I have so many questions, and then when I ask my parents their answers "I don't know", "he didn't say", and "good question, but I'm not sure" Well if it's such a good question why didn't you bring the fuckin' thing up?

Whatever. They came home, I took a shower, and we went to get groceries. The only thing that was good is I got to drive.. it's been for weeks since I have. But it doesn't disgregard the fact that me and my mom keep fighting. It's really scaring me.. too. I cant explain it. I came home and dumped a load of laundry in that I wanted to throw in earlier but I didn't have time.

I grabbed my lemonade, and three Aleve.. (box says two, I normally take two, but my headaches are getting worse and I think I'm becoming immune to the lowest dose on the bottle. I'm really scared for my dad, it's like right now I'm in the lowest place in my life, and I just can't think. It's so selfish, I came home, and I kept telling myself, don't do anything stupid, dont do anything near stupid. But I'm stupid. So I retook my meds. My prescription for Paxil you're only supposed to take it once a day (becuz it's such a high dose.. dont ask..) and I dunno if it's dangerous to take it twice, but if it's not working right now shouldn't I?

I still have that Depression/Suicide Hotline card that dumb blonde bimbo'd bitch counselor gave me, but it seems stupid to bitch about your life and wanting to die over a phone to some complete stranger... i just want to curl up in a corner and die.. its seeming worth it..